Charlie’s Wedding, A Play in One Act Essay Example for Free

Charlies Wedding, A Play in One bring Es opineGertie, a black wo domain, garbed in elegant black satin, stands at the window, her back to the audience. She whitethorn be polishing the glass or she whitethorn be eves-dropping on the two fashionably dressed white ladies, Mona and Sheila, who sit on a divan directly behind her, facing the audience. Mona What on priming coat did he vocalize accordingly, Sheila? Sheila, (smiling coyly) He said he destinys to marry me, of course, silly. Mona exactly he beart do that station up he? I mean(a pause) Well you drive in what I mean. Men identical him Sheila Thats dear the point men exchangeable himthey provide do whatever they want.Mona Well, Im just truismthey tangle witht buy a cow when the milk is so cheap. Sheila Well, he might buy the cow that gives milk as intimately as this integrity does. Mona feigns embarrassment, her transfer personnel casualty to her face as she buries her head in her hands for a moment. Ger tie moves to the right and looks at pictures in frames on the mantle of the fireplace, now obviously listening, cocking her head to hear better. Mona Girl, you micturate no shame. (Giggles) only you atomic number 18 more or less to graduate from here(predicate) anyway. You dont guard to marry, you dont bind to do anything save pack your bags and run, girl. Sheila But I might just want to rag get hitched with.Isnt it what every green lady is re ared to do? Arent we born and bred to be the wives and ornaments of powerful men? Isnt it my duty as a woman? Isnt it my c each(prenominal)ing? My raison detre? (Misprounounces the words) Mona If its what you want, accordingly by all means you should do it. Be my guest. I leave behind dance at your conjugal union with a cow-bell on. But its not going to be to that two-timing Charlie OBrian, I surely do hope, child. Gertie moves until she is standing at the side of Sheila, picks up a small orbit from the end table and is wipin g it slowly. Sheila Well how can you be so presumptuous?I mean, what do you live ab let on it anyway? And why do you say he is a two-timer? If you know some gossip that I dont because you are bound by your duty as a woman to tell me. Gertie puts brush up the bowl and speaks Yes, leave rancid Mona, do tell all you know about this two-timing Charlie OBrian. Do you turn out some reason to suspect he may not be as morally safe and Christianified as he purports to be? Is he, perhapsaman of low degree? The three women jest and Gertie takes a seat in the chair, in profile to the audience, putting her feet up on a poof and fanning herself from her labor.Gertie Let me tell you about men all men. They are idiotsall idiots, and Charlie OBrian is their Lizard King. They are all just epic sons. They never grow up and they never think with the head they have on their shoulders. I know you can guess which head it is that they do think with, without me having to say. But they realise the money and politics and they control the laws and we have to work approximately them to get what we want. Now, as for this Charlie OBrian, he has proposed to half the women in this sorority and that is a natural fact. He got big intoxicated last Christmas and asked me to run discharge with him.I told him that for twenty dollars I would run into the pantry with him for a spell, provided that is all of the running I meant to do. Child, no man is ever faithful to no woman and I volition tell you how you can be sure of what a man is up to. If you think he is faithful to you then he is more or less likely cheating on you. But if you think he is cheating on you, then he is positively cheating on you. And you can take that to the bank, honey. Sheila We all know how men are. But Charlie is different. He loves me. He in truth does Gertie Sugar, last year he loved Abbie, and the year before that he loved Sara Lynn.He loves a lot of ladies. And lots of ladies love him. But aint no(pren ominal) of them ever got a brand on his lil narrow behind. Mona express mirths Gertie, you are such a romantic soul. But you are wrong about Charlie boy. He loves a lot of women but he dont love any of them. We all know about commercial affection. Thats why at that place are sporting houses and sporting ladies who can be found in them, and men know all them and they go sow their wild oats and then pray for a crop failure. Charlie OBrian haunts sporting houses. He is a sporting man. He is going to leave you crying.Sheila looks at Mona, irritated Well Miss Know It All, that just proves my point, because men dont marry sporting ladies do they? They marry bully girls, from goodly families. They marry ladies of wit, breeding and sagacity. They go sow those wild oats but then when nesting time comes around they look for a woman who is better than any sporting lady. They look for someone who can give for them, can give them sons and can keep their home for them. I dont flush where m y man gets his kicks so long as he kicks his boots off at home with me. I am a pragmatic person. I understand the ways of the world.I did not just fall of no turnip truck, and believe it or not, I did not come to this town riding two to the mule. Mona looks at Gertie who shrugs her shoulders, then speaks Honey, you are missing one very important point. You are too good for Charlie OBrian. He is beneath you and thats a fact. You volition never be happy with someone like him. He is common as dirt. He is in the trades. He provide keep you filled up with a belly-full of children and leave you barefoot and pregnant. He is not good sufficient for you. Get him out of your pretty inadequate empty head. Now, allows discuss this caller, we have to finish these plans.We are really getting short of time now. Christmas bequeath be here before you know it and we cant wait til the very last minute. Gertie stands and picks up her dust cloth and moves behind the divan, facing the audience, lo oking down at the other two girls This party is going to be such a bore. Boy girl, boy girl, boy girlso boring. We should call some transvestites and some of them folk what you call hermaphrodites of both sexes and let everyone try to guess who is who and who has what and just memorize how that messes up the seating arrangements. (Laughs) Mona That would make it a party to remember.Do you know any real transvestites? Oh, Im sure you do. You are so worldly, Gertie. (Mona and Sheila laugh) Sheila Well, Im more interested in reservation wedding plans than Christmas party plans. I want the wedding to be here. Right in this room. Weve all have had so some(prenominal) fun here, and on that point are so many good memories associated with this room. Yes, Ive do my mind up. I want to come down those stairs (points off form, left) and I want all my friends to be here and see me on the happiest daytime of my life. Gertie Girl, you are serious? You said yes to Charlie OBrian?Sheila nods and speaks I told him last night. He said he wants to marry me on New Years Eve. I told him I was going to go away for the holidays but he asked me to stay in town. Its official. I told him I go away marry him on New Years Eve, just like he wants me to. Mona Sheila, please, listen to me. Charlie OBrian is no good. I would never say a word to harm you but I cant sit here and watch you just dash headlong off of no cliff. He is not the man you think he is. He is not a good person. He is a liar and a fake and he will end up cold or in prison and he will drag you down with him.You are too bonny a person to make such a terrible match. You just cant let yourself sink to his level. Sheila Mona, please. Why are you doing this? What have I ever do to you that you would disrespect me so much? Charlie is the only man who has ever treated me with any of the common courtesies. He doesnt paw me, or try to kiss me when we are alone. He behaves like the perfect gentleman. Gertie puts down her d ust cloth and moves back to her chair, She pulls it closer to the divan and sits down, leaning forward conspiratorially Sheila, child, I may be out of place to say this, but Mona is right.That Charlie OBrian is bad news. Dont you know he got into a fight with a man over a card game? In a public place? He is one step from disaster all the time. He is a common ruffian when he is drunk and he is drunk most all of the times. He cant be trusted any further than you could toss a bull by the tail. He is a daddys boy and wont ever be nothing that his daddy dont let him be. Hasnt your schooling here taught you anything? It seems at least you would have learned to read men. Child, Im saying this for your own good, Mona is right, you cant marry that Charlie fellow. He is not good enough for you.I entreat of you to reconsider your answer and tell that Mister OBrian that you have reconsidered and you find that you cannot rifle his wife. Sheila buries her face in her hands sobbing Mona leans fo rward to comfort her, but Gertie gestures for her to stop Gertie Child, I am sorry that I have made you feel bad but the simple fact is that you have to recognize that what Mona and I are telling you is for your own good and it is the gospel truth. Sheila stands I dont want to hear anymore of this. I dont know how you figure that Charlie is not good enough for me. He has a good position in his fathers business and he can take care of me.I know that its not considered proper but he and I have discussed finances. I have agreed to put my trust money into a business proposal which he has become interested in. He is sure it will put us on easy street and I believe in him and I believe in his ideas. His father will finance half of it and I am going to put in the balance. But most importantly, ladies, he loves me passionately. We have spoken of our early together and we have decided to marry quickly without any long engagements. You ladies know I was orphan and this sorority is what I re ckon as my family. Its the only family I have ever really had.You are all as close to me as blood sisters could be and I do appreciate you act to look out for my best interest. But you just dont know Charlie OBrian like I know him. He wants me for the rest of his life and I want him the same. Sheila walks slowly out of the room, stage left Gertie, to Mona, in a soft voice What are we to do? Mona What can we do? Gertie Has she at sea her mind or is she just yanking our chain? I swear I cant get a fix on what she is thinking. But Im prone to think she is believes this. That he is going to marry her. My god, this will destroy her if that is the case. Can we get Miss Edith to ban him?Keep him out of here? Mona Miss Edith? Ban a paying customer? Are you a crack ho? Gimme a taste of what you is using. I dont want no w messiness one just gimme a lil taste, girl. Gertie laughs, then speaks If he came in here and beat her upif he stone-broke her ribs, Miss Edith would ban him. Why let him break her heart? Mona How long has she been here? Seriously? How can she believe anything a john tells her? She has served her indentures and is going to leave inside of six months with a nice flip-flop of change. Hasnt she learned anything? This has to be some kind of elaborate joke, dont you think? You know how she has always been.How she calls us her sistershow she call the house a sorority. She isnt serious, and she isnt putting on airs. It is just her way of coping with being a prostitute. But, lordy, what if she is smitten? What if she has fallen for the no good scalawag? Gertie You want to know what Charlie OBrian has in mind for a business deal? He wants to buy this house. Do you think he plans to get some funds out of her by saying he will marry her? Maybe we should tell Miss Edith all about this plan. Mona No, I just had an inspiration. Why dont we go the other way? Why not talk it up. Go overboard, all out in favor of it?Make it a matter of public record? Announce the e ngagement. Announce a big wedding right here on Christmas Eve? Let young Mister OBrian put up or shut up? We just pretend we accept it as a done deal. We just go on with the wedding plans. Gertie giggles at the thought, then speaks No WaitWe are goin to be all decorated up for Christmas. We get Miss Edith to announce the imminent wedding when Charlie gets a a few(prenominal) under his belt this coming Saturday night? We tell Miss Edith its just all a big joke on Charlie. We get the piano player to play Here Comes the Bride and let Sheila come down them stairs right there in a white gown.Charlie is all hat and no kine but we can fix that. I know how. It looks like a win-win situation for us. He each backs out, and looks like a liar and a buck, or he goes ahead and marries a lady of the evening, which will cause his daddy to cut his manhood off so he cant reproduce. (laughs) It would be so appropriate to have him look like a four-flusher or a fool in front of all his peers. We can get Parson Maybury to hang around just in case we need a few appropriate wordsin case Charlie is drunk enough to do it. Oh my god, what I wouldnt give to see him wake up the next morning married to Sheila.Mona Miss Edith would never let us jack with a customer like that. Gertie Not if she thinks were serious. But so long as we put it to her as an elaborate joke done in good honest fun It will be perfect for the holidays. We can convince her its entertainment and will bring in some new customers just to watch Charlie OBrian marry a on the job(p) girl. Arnie Harris works at City Hall. He will get me a blank marriage clear if I ask him sugaredly. We have good ol Harry on the piano. Todd Baker can take the wedding photos. Most of the men in this town dislike the OBrians and would enjoy a good laugh at Charlies expense.You know, probably fifty per cent of the men in this town have bypast up those stairs right there at some time in their life. (points) Then there is forty per cent of the men in this town who wish they could. Which leaves us with about ten per centum who would like to take care of the 40 per cent who cant make it, but thats another story, but about ninety-five per cent of them do not like the OBrians. Mona Oh my god, girl, that would be the funniest thing I ever saw, to have spoilt, rich, pampered goodie two-shoes Charlie OBrian married in the parlour of the finest House in all of New Orleans.And see the pictures spread all over the Sunday Times- Picayunein the rescript section. We can make up a guest list. Include the governors name. Oh my godgirl, youre a genius. (laughs). We dont have to say they came, just say they was invited. Every man in town who is not an genuine customer is fair game. Miss Edith would have our heads for revealing the names of actual customers but there aint no neighborly taboo against revealing names of customers of the challenger is there? Gertie No, I would reckon they are fair game. Mona We got to let Cloonie in on this.He can get some of the guys to go along with this. Bring in some tuxedos for the wedding party, for the pictures. Get a pen and paper, Gertie, we got to make a list of everything we need. I want it to be just perfect for Mister Charlie OBrians wedding. What do you call them little fancy flowers men wear in their button hole? Well, we even want to get some of them. Oh yes, we have to do this up right. Charlies momma may want to send these pictures out to all the relatives who couldnt actually make it to her sons social event of the season, a whore-house wedding.Gertis Ill check to make sure, but Beaulah usually keeps some of that laudanum on hand for her croupe. If she is out she can get Doc Baines to send over a fresh bottle. Charlie will go to ordering his fancy little stemware glasses full of brandy and benedictinehe thinks thats so poshthen he slips into that god-awful fake English accent and goes to calling himself Mister B and B. That sweet mess has such an odor about it that I could pour in a cup of process and he wouldnt ever come close to tasting the difference.He sure wont notice no dab of laudanum poured in. After a couple of shots of that stuff he will be cocked and primed. He will do what ever he is told to do, and smile while he is doing it. Mona You know, there arent many of our customers who are disliked enough for us to pull this off on them. But Charlie OBrian is pretty much universally thought to be a piece of human detritus. Everyone thinks he is a smarmy low life. This is perfect. Gertie well, not totally perfect. We still arent sure where Sheila fits into all of this. What she is really thinking.Does she believe Charlie or is she just blowing smoke up our dresses to pass a cold winter day? Mona Wellwhat difference is it? If she wants to marry him, she is going to end up married, with a ring and a license and she legally owns half his property as well. If she doesnt, then we tell her its just all one big practical joke and we laug h about it. Gertie and Mona stand, Gertie speaks Thats the thing I miss most about being in the sporting life. I miss the weddings. This is going to be some good fun. (Both women exit the stage, loudly humming The Wedding March)