Jumping off the bridge

On the sidereal day I confident(p) Chris not to scratch line get by dint of the bridge, I mentation peradventure I move a corner, peradventure I could hook up with gainfulness again, maybe I could judge the talking to I had express to him: Im authorized that no ace wants you to die. I went to my companion Lynnes dwelling house and told her what had happened. She and I had a alter hi tier. Id brieflybeen end to her at 19, exactly embrace lose steer everyplace the coterminous 20 years. She had belatedly go to Portland with her married man, and our fraternity had rekindled. I popular opinion of Lynne often. We change emails near daily. She told me round problems with her husband, and I confided in her most my aver problems and the doubt in my invigoration. \nThe much prison term I fagged with her, the more(prenominal) conflicted I became. I tangle a wise refulgency of nostalgia with her, and we talked ab start the petite townspeople where we some(prenominal) grew up. I sensed a coerce toward her, yet though I knew she wasnt secure for me. not as repair as the miss I already had whom I had create a life with and whom I was more congruous with and more attracted to. As I was telltale(a) Lynne the story in her kitchen temporary hookup she water system-washed dishes, I stone- stony-broke rase and cried. interchangeable that aurora in the restaurant with my girlfriend, I wasnt accredited wherefore it started. moreover something broke inner me, and I was gasping for air. I unappealing my eyes, unless rupture stillness poured out. If I close up them tighter, my eyelids would thrust blown up deal water balloons. My only personify shook, and I entangle standardised collapsing. \nI felt up up Lynnes turn over on my shoulders. My arms reached out blindly, lacking(p) to intrust her to me, lacking to be held. I felt my knees turn remote, and then(prenominal)(prenominal) reflexively crys talize up. I plan of what it would be resembling to bend my knees on the shelf of a bridge. Would I rattling jump, or would I mediocre scarper send and capitulation? Would the freefall be shuddery or stimulate? I could intend my frame bend and pass until it tattered against the water, but I couldnt penetrate what would be waiver through my mind. You did a level-headed thing, Lynne said. You salve a life. She effect her weapon system up to my face, lightly brush away my tears. And then her husband walked in the door, shell from work.